


Calling It

by DollyPop



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: F/M, Phone Calls & Telephones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 04:29:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6890080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DollyPop/pseuds/DollyPop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spirit figures he’s got the right to gloat to anyone and everyone that his best friend <i>finally</i> got together with Marie Mjolnir.</p>
<p>Everyone including the person who despises Stein the most: Kami.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Calling It

Spirit Albarn didn’t want to remind everyone that he called it.

Except that he absolutely, totally called it.

He called it ever since Lord Death paired him with Stein, ever since he was 12, and saw that, of all the children in the entire school Stein would gladly beat up, Marie Mjolnir was the only one he deemed untouchable.

No, not untouchable. He wanted to be all up on that Scandinavian mouth.

But, Spirit digresses.

He called it from the very beginning. He didn’t buy the “Just friends” argument. Hell, he didn’t even buy the “Stop talking” or the “I’m going soul stitch you to the tree and leave you there without your organs” argument. No sir. Spirit knew his Meister, through and through, he knew love when he saw it. And, okay, so he maybe possibly read some of Stein’s notes, which were mostly creepy observations on the state of putrefaction of various corpses, but also included sporadic question marks around Marie’s name.

Curious to the end, Stein just didn’t understand why anyone, least of all the girl who had at least 6 boys pining for her, would get him of all people gifts, as well as company.

So, Stein was one, two, a dozen years too late in finally realizing that, yes, Marie Mjolnir has been wanting to tap that (and the pun is fully intended) to next Tuesday, but at least he finally got the hint! And Spirit had called it since they were kids.

So he thinks he’s got the right to gloat to anyone and everyone, especially after buying his best friend a cake that simply read, eloquently, ‘Congrats on the Sex’.

Everyone in Death City had already suffered having to listen to him talk about how no one else had faith, but he did, so he supposed it was time for him to tell people outside of Death City.

Alright, so he already did that DeathBook, where he made a status with a few too many suggestive emojis, but his ex-wife had blocked him on all social media, so she was the last one he could possibly tell before he made the rounds and gloated to everyone for a second time.

The phone, for once, wasn’t heavy in his hands, but light, and he feels fizzy and smug as he dials the familiar number that never changed, no matter how many times Kami insisted he stop calling her for anything other than reports on how Maka was doing in school.

Really, she could call Death for that information, so he figures she had it coming when she didn’t change her number that he would call her up to inform her on the various state of apocalypse that she was tied up with trying to hold off on the other side of the world while he held down base, valiantly, in Death City.

Regardless, he is too excited as he waits for the call to go through, and he hops about from foot to foot as the ring echoes in his ear. He is so giddy that, when the line connects with a click obscured only slightly by static, he opens his mouth immediately, cutting straight to the chase since he figured the phone bill was high enough as it was.

“Spirit?” Kami calls out, her absolute exasperation sounding weary and well practiced. “We’re in the middle of construction, Spirit, I’m busy-“ But he doesn’t let her get any farther in her excuse to hang up on him, especially not since he wouldn’t put it past her to pull the “You’re going through a tunnel!” trick as she made garbled noises in the back of her throat, just as his darling daughter did.

“They’re pregnant!” he blurts out, his grin stretching over his teeth so hard he thinks his face will be permanently molded. “They’re pregnant and she’s gonna retire and the baby is due on-

“Wait wait wait wait wait!” Kami breaks in, horror in each intake of air. “What?” she spits out, her voice incredulous. “Maka? Is it Maka? Is Maka pregnant? I will fucking murder whatever boy-“

“Death, no! No!” Spirit says, his hand flailing in front of him though Kami can’t see. “If anyone ever touches my baby girl-“

“Then what the hell, Spirit? Who? What’s going on?” Kami interrogated, rage and frustration seeping into her words. She sounds like she’d throttle him were she in front of him, and he cannot help but be thankful that she was on the other side of the world. Regardless, though he was momentarily clouded by the horrific idea of his darling cupcake, his sunshine, his life and stars and moon and everything good in his life daughter being defiled by anyone at all, he was instantly reminded of the good news he had, instead. Ah, his Meister. He had never been happier for his friends.

“Marie!” he chirps out. “She’s pregnant!”

There a beat of silence, and when Kami’s voice comes back, it’s so threatening, he wonders how he’s still alive. “She’s pregnant? With whose baby?”

Spirit’s smile started to curl mischievously. “Aw, c’mon, Kami. Who do you think?”

“If you say it-“

“Which means I won the betting pool!” he added, the smugness near palpable, and at that, the truth couldn’t be concealed any longer. Kami felt her blood pressure increase, a vein threatening to pop from her sudden emotions.

All Spirit heard on the other end was a crash, something falling, likely the phone, and he found his brows twitching together. “Kami?”

But she didn’t hear him, having already moved away. In the background, Spirit heard the confused murmurs of others around her, snippets of “General. . . are. . .’kay?” and “What’s. . .problem?” before, with all the suddenness of a bolt of lightning, a massive shriek split through the receiver and Spirit yanked the phone away from his ear.

“GET ME A FLIGHT TO DEATH CITY!”

“M-ma’am-“

“NOW!”

“Kami?” he called, once more. He thought that the woman’s utter hatred for Stein would ebb at the news: after all, Marie had been interested in him since they were schoolkids at the DWMA, and it was some of the best information he’d ever heard that she finally got to ride that like a circus pony.

Wouldn’t Kami be happy for her? After all, there wouldn’t be a betting pool if there wasn’t some kind of possibility.

Although, now that he thinks about it, Kami did include that if anyone but she or Naigus won, the two of them having determined that it would never, not in a million years happen, that she would personally gut Stein and make it so that he couldn’t ever have children: not with Marie, not with anyone.

But that was just a joke, right? Kami wouldn’t go and-

Okay, she absolutely would, but the odds of her managing to get a flight to Death City so soon after the defeat of the Kishin was near impossible, so he didn’t have any worried.

Plus, Spirit was still so overjoyed that he won so much money, having called the fact, as he said, that his Meister, in all his 30 years of life, finally found the one woman who was willing to help him get laid.

Miracles did happen, after all. Even Death was surprised, and he was omnipotent.

Kami’s scream got louder as she seemed to step to the phone, the sound of frantic fumbling taking place and he could almost swallow her absolute fury, it was so thick, before he heard someone call out “General, not at the statue-“ and the connection went dead.

Spirit blinked a few times, moving his phone away from his ear and staring down at it.

Well.

That went infinitely better than he expected.


End file.
